Fear of children

We are subject to various phobias, most of which are associated with fear for our lives and health. Fear of darkness, heights, water, crowds, enclosed spaces, dogs, spiders, snakes are widely known. They are explainable from the point of view of common sense, because they carry an element of danger - falling, drowning, getting hurt, being bitten. Pedophobia or fear of children is not associated with a direct threat to our health. Some are afraid of their own fatherhood and motherhood, others try to avoid communication with children at all, and for others, even the sight of an abandoned toy causes panic. This phobia is considered widespread in the modern world. It is enough to recall the childfree movement, although, perhaps, most of its followers are driven not by fear, but by egoism.

Causes fears of children

So, children themselves, especially strangers, do not pose a direct danger to the health of others. They can be noisy and intrusive, but normally this can cause some rejection, even irritation (not everyone loves children), but not at the height of phobia. If only the sight of a child causes fear and an irresistible desire to avoid contact, then this is already a pathology. Why does this happen?

Phobic disorder develops in different people for different reasons. We all come from childhood, and often our fears are formed at an early age. The impetus for the emergence of pedophobia could be the appearance of a new child in the family. Previously, all attention was paid to the eldest offspring, and with the appearance of the baby, the first child suddenly became “big” and deprived of attention: he now spends a long time visiting his grandmother, he can be moved to another crib or even a separate room, and the baby lives with his mother, and so on. Of course, most children get out of this situation without psychological losses, in this situation a lot depends on the parents and the psychotype of the child himself. But some develop a persistent dislike for the younger one, and it has to be hidden, since it is condemned by everyone. The child's resentment goes over the edge and, there is an opinion that in the future it can result not only in pedophobia, but also in pedophilia, which is even worse. [ 1 ]

Excessive love and hyper-concern for the well-being of an only child can also crystallize into pedophobia. The "little idol" of the family does not tolerate competition and does not understand that some of the attention that his parents give to other children is caused by simple politeness. He develops a dislike for other children, especially toddlers, which develops into fear of them.

The birth of a baby can be the cause of pedophobia in adults. If the parents did not plan for the baby to appear, and everything happened by itself, then the burden of worries that fell on them with the birth of a new family member can be unbearable. Parents are not always ready to give up their usual and comfortable way of life, and the child requires constant care. This is a lot of work, which not all parents are ready for, and this can lead to the development of fear of the child.

It is believed that pedophobia can be the result of a disorder of attraction - pedophilia. It is pedophiles, among whom are mainly men, who are afraid to communicate with children, so as not to break down and commit an illegal act. After all, in society, sexual harassment of a minor is prosecuted by law, and even among people who have broken the law, pedophiles are not popular. So in this case, the fear of children is quite justified and logically explainable.

Other risk factors are also mentioned: fear of responsibility, limitation of one's own freedom, financial restrictions, changes in appearance due to pregnancy (more often worries women, however, it can also worry men), fear of childbirth (in women whose mothers experienced difficult childbirth and repeatedly frightened their daughters with these stories), unwillingness to share the wife's attention with the child (in men). There may be other reasons, they are usually "brought to light" by a competent psychotherapist during sessions with a patient suffering from pedophobia.

The pathogenesis of any phobia is based on some kind of psychotraumatic event that caused the individual's rejection, but with which he was forced to come to terms. In addition, hereditary predisposition plays a role, so to speak, a special sensitivity, the ability to perceive events acutely. The mere expectation of a traumatic factor causes an anxious feeling in the patient, sometimes at the height of a panic attack. Understanding the irrationality of his fear by the patient does not lead to getting rid of it.

Statistics show that only 23% of people suffering from phobias seek help. The rest live with them all their lives and somehow cope. There are a great many phobias, their list takes up more than one page. In none of the reviewed ratings is fear of children included in the top ten most common fears, however, it does exist. True, it is necessary to distinguish between fear at the height of a phobia and the unwillingness to have children of one's own, dictated by pragmatic egoism.

Symptoms fears of children

Pedophobia is a pathological fear, a disease, the first signs of which can appear at different ages and be expressed in different ways, depending on the stress factor that provoked this disorder.

Children are more spontaneous, their fear of other children can be expressed by whims, obvious resistance to persuasion to play with them, while adults usually cope with fear, hide it deep down and simply try to avoid contact, not to come to companies where there may be children, to visit friends with children. However, the psycho-emotional state cannot always be controlled, a person can withdraw into himself, show irritability, and sometimes even direct aggression. This is especially possible under the influence of alcohol. Phobias are always accompanied by somatic symptoms. This can be dizziness, weakness, shortness of breath, tachycardia, salivation, hyperhidrosis and even fainting when looking at children. When a pedophobe sees a child indoors, he tries to sit as far away from him, and on the street - to go around him. The main companions of fear of children, as with other phobias, are a bad mood, depression, isolation, panic attacks, irritability and anger when it is not possible to avoid direct contact.

It is believed that women, as more emotional representatives of the human race, are prone to splashing out their emotions, which leads to subsequent calming down. Men are prescribed to be restrained, so they withdraw into themselves, wet and endure for a long time, which can lead to an unexpected surge of emotions and even physical impact on the object of irritation.

Phobias may differ depending on the age or gender of the child. For example, fear of small children, even babies, is common. People are simply afraid to approach them, look at them, pick them up. Older children, who are already more independent, do not cause such horror in them.

Fear of children who have left infancy also happens, sometimes in one of the parents, sometimes in both. Parents exist in a parallel plane with the child, try not to touch him or irritate him or her unnecessarily, are afraid to punish him or her for disobedience, refuse to buy the child a new toy or gadget, so as not to get nervous and worry themselves if the child reacts sharply to a refusal, criticism or remark. They know that there will be a reaction - babies will cry or scream, older children will demand and get angry. Parents, not feeling able to cope with the situation, stop raising children, fulfill their demands and ignore their antics in order to rid themselves of negative emotions. Such defeatist behavior of parents is the basis for the development of pedophobia in them.

Its variety is the fear of teenagers (hebophobia). They are noisy, aggressive, and try to defend their independence. Older people are often afraid of them, and even their own parents often try to avoid them. [ 2 ]

Sometimes people are afraid not so much of the children themselves, but of their actions. This concerns children's crying and hysterics, noise and screams, mobility and the associated possibility of getting injured in front of the adult. Acousticophobia or fear of loud sounds in a child often develops in infancy, he is usually afraid of new sounds associated with imaginary danger. As the child grows older and gets to know the source of the sound, such a phobia usually passes. Therefore, if an adult turns pale and tries to avoid children's screams, most likely such a phobia really relates not so much to the sound itself, but to its source.

The possibility of getting injured during active games is indeed quite real for children, but the reaction of adults can be different. The norm is to explain, warn, insure, but if an adult panics at the sight of a child rolling on a swing, then this is closer to trauma phobia.

Many parents, especially mothers, are afraid of giving birth to a sick child. In general, no one wants this, but everyone has this possibility. It's just that most people don't dwell on it, try to spend the nine months of pregnancy so as not to harm the developing baby, follow their doctor's recommendations and count on a favorable outcome.

But some develop a phobia - in this case, anxiety manifests itself vividly, with the presence of somatic vegetative disorders. This is already a pathology. It is more related to the fear of suffering (pathophobia) or fear of heredity (patriophobia), if there is a precedent. Nevertheless, sometimes such fear leads to the development of a persistent fear of having children at all.

In addition, people are often not so much afraid as unwilling to have children, because they will interfere with them and force them to change their entire way of life. This is their right. The ideology of childfree unites such people, but they are not only pedophobes, although this line of life suits them very well. Western researchers classify such people as childhate (hating children), another group is those who are quite normal about children, but do not want to waste their time and resources on raising them, who are simply happy without children, who came to this idea consciously. By the way, it is they who, having enjoyed freedom, sometimes change their minds after six to ten years and become parents.

Complications and consequences

For those around, fear of children is not dangerous and often not even noticeable. They can note that a certain person does not suffer from excessive love for children and that's all.

However, it has a negative impact on the health of those suffering from phobia. Frequent vegetative crises, accompanying surges of fear and panic attacks, lead to destabilization of the cardiovascular system, which increases the risk of developing ischemic processes and their acute manifestations: coronary syndrome, heart attack, stroke, and also negatively affect the functioning of the central nervous system and can cause neurosis, anxiety disorder, depression.

In women, pedophobia can cause psychogenic infertility. A marriage with a pedophobe is doomed, especially if the other spouse actively wants a child.

The presence of a phobia and a depressive state is a good background for the development of psychological dependence on alcohol, drugs, psychotropic medications. The development of a mental disorder against the background of a phobia can have negative consequences not only for the patient, but also for his loved ones.

Any phobia has a negative impact on health and prevents a person from leading a full life. Usually, he understands that his fear is irrational, but he cannot do anything about it. There is only one way out - to seek help from a psychotherapist.

Diagnostics fears of children

When diagnosing a phobia, the doctor is guided by the patient’s complaints and his medical history.

Differential diagnostics may be required if there is a suspicion of a serious mental disorder or somatic disease. In this case, to confirm or exclude the suspicion, various types of examinations may be prescribed at the discretion of the doctor.

Treatment fears of children

You can try to overcome your fear of children on your own. Phobias can be controlled. To do this, experts advise studying the subject that causes fear from all points of view. Children do not pose a threat, they are harmless and even their minor pranks can be perceived quite calmly, it is enough to remember your childhood.

The next step is to relax when you are overcome by horror. In this case, too, you must not give in to fear, focus on breathing, imagine a situation that is pleasant for you. A course of massage, yoga or swimming helps to relax.

Also, you need to train yourself to look at the object that causes fear. First, it is recommended to look at pictures and photographs of children, then films about children, then proceed to direct communication.

In parallel, you can practice auto-training, meditation techniques, breathing exercises. Moreover, independent work is not excluded when visiting a psychotherapist. However, in this case, he will give recommendations regarding additional classes.

Not everyone can get rid of phobias on their own. Then the help of a psychotherapist is needed. A specialist usually only needs one introductory conversation with the patient to diagnose a phobic disorder and even bring out its cause.

The method of cognitive behavioral therapy is used for treatment. It consists of the fact that during the conversation the psychotherapist listens attentively to the patient and makes corrections to his conclusions, suggests a line of behavior and reaction to objects that cause fear.

Neurolinguistic programming is also used, changing the patient’s attitude towards the events of past years that served as the impetus for the development of the phobia.

The Gestalt therapy method allows you to get rid of the influence of negative emotions and replace them with positive ones in relation to the object of phobia.

In difficult cases, hypnosis can help. Sometimes the patient is prescribed sedatives that do not eliminate the cause of the phobia, but relieve vegetative symptoms - reduce blood pressure, normalize sleep, eliminate tachycardia. Drug therapy is necessarily used in combination with psychotherapy, since the fear of children is hidden deep in the subconscious, and drug treatment alone is not enough. [ 3 ], [ 4 ]

Prevention

Preventing the development of phobias is not easy, the factors that cause them can be very different. But a strong body with a good immune system can usually cope with stress and psychotraumatic situations.

Prevention of relapse after treatment can also include a healthy lifestyle, having friends and favorite activities, no stress, and more positivity.

Forecast

Fear of children does not pose a direct threat to life, but it reduces its quality. Modern methods of psychotherapy allow in most cases, if not to completely overcome your fears, then at least learn to control them. Without treatment, the situation can go far enough, and you will have to treat a serious nervous disorder, so it is better not to delay time and seek professional help.