How condescending are we to those close to us?

There is an opinion that we behave more leniently with our loved ones and friends than with strangers. But scientists have proven that this is not actually the case.

We judge our own friends more severely. If the guilty person is a close friend or relative, we react to the problem much more harshly – at least that’s what researchers say.

Social relations are largely based on mutual activity. Strict egocentrists are considered not as successful as people who can work in a team, since they lack the necessary friendly support. In order to maintain normal relations with others, many people to one degree or another demonstrate their own sense of guilt and remorse after making a mistake - for example, apologies are used, vegetative reactions become noticeable (flushing of the face, increased sweating, lacrimation, etc.), which indicates the presence of internal experiences and fears.

Experts from the University of Portsmouth, led by Dr. Jules-Danier, conducted a study on how friendship influences feelings of guilt.

At first, two volunteers were invited who were friends: they were asked to solve a certain problem, for which they would subsequently receive a reward. Then the friends were told that one of them had done a poor job of the task, so their reward would be smaller, but they would have to split it equally between themselves. As a result, the friend who supposedly solved the problem poorly expectedly felt guilty for losing and offered his partner to take more money - as atonement for his guilt.

Subsequent experiments confirmed that the greater the feeling of guilt, the more the friend tried to atone for it.

"The result indicates a positive social reaction caused by a sense of guilt," the scientists concluded. "Such behavior proves that a person is ready to admit his mistake and wants to say that his actions were unintentional."

The researchers then looked at the behavior of other participants who were faced with "guilt" from their friends. It turned out that the closer the relationship, the greater their disappointment, and the less money they gave to the "guilty" partner.

"This conclusion contradicts the prevailing opinion that people are more lenient towards their loved ones if they have done something wrong and repent," the experts say. Of course, the results obtained need to be carefully considered: it is quite possible that individual qualities of people that were not taken into account during the study should also be taken into account.

The results of the experiment are presented on the Royal Society Open Science page