Victim syndrome

The tendency of a particular person to consider himself a victim of negative circumstances and actions of other people and to behave accordingly – even in the absence of real circumstances or obvious guilt of people – is usually defined as victim syndrome.

This is one of the varieties of personality disorders, and with a significant degree of its behavioral manifestation it can even be a form of deviation from the accepted norm.

Psychologists classify victim syndrome (or victim mentality) as a socially neutral type of self-destructive behavior, in which the owner of the complex needs some external reason for his failures.

Causes victim syndrome

It is generally accepted that no one is born with such a disorder: the causes of the victim syndrome and the origins of its development should be sought in childhood and adolescence, in the peculiarities of the formation and socialization of the individual - under the influence of family members and various events and situations. The types of this disorder depend on the features of the dispositional (personal) characteristics of a person, the degree of development of his self-awareness, habitual cognitive (cognitive) processes that manifest themselves in behavior and attribution - an individual subconscious-intuitive explanation of the reasons for the behavior of others.

When trying to explain the true motives of other people's behavior and actions, it is difficult to remain impartial (especially in moments of emotional excitement or stress), which often leads to erroneous conclusions. According to psychologists, the ideas of a person with victim syndrome, reinforced by negative experience, are distorted by his needs (that is, they have deeply hidden selfish motives) and some cognitive biases. For example, a typical attribution error: if a person gets a promotion, then this is recognition of his abilities and competence; when the promotion does not take place, it is because the management does not like him...

Or here's an example: a child is constantly reproached for the slightest mistakes and is reprimanded for any reason, but when there is a reason to praise, adults remain silent. As a result, the child feels guilty not for the actions he commits, but perceives the remarks as humiliation of his personality, which reduces his self-esteem. Therefore, the risk factors for the development of the victim syndrome are erroneous methods of raising children in the family, lack of trusting relationships and support, lack of attention and a sense of security.

Researchers suggest that the overtly self-serving attribution bias is closely related to the fact that people want to protect their self-esteem and avoid feeling vulnerable. However, when the results meet people's expectations, they attribute them to personal achievements, and when they do not, external (uncontrollable) factors are put forward as the cause. And this is nothing more than a subconscious need to avoid obligations and responsibilities, that is, a refusal to control anything in one's life and take active actions.

From a psychological point of view, the causes of victim syndrome are rooted in the immaturity of the individual (infantilism), the formation of an inadequate assessment of the cause-and-effect relationships of behavior and actions, causing distorted emotional reactions and self-esteem, with an unconditional desire to feel a good attitude towards oneself from others.

Thus, the victim syndrome in psychology is a manifestation of emotional instability or an increased tendency to experience negative emotions with general neurosis and various psychotic manifestations.

In addition, the tendency of the individual to blame others for everything and to present oneself as a victim of circumstances and ill will can make the victim syndrome in relationships with loved ones a tool for manipulating them, which is a kind of moral reward for constant "suffering". To illustrate such a case, we can cite the behavior of "victim" mothers, who often reproach their children for underestimating their efforts and efforts to "give their children the best."

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Symptoms victim syndrome

The syndrome involves a whole complex of signs, and the symptoms of the victim syndrome can manifest themselves in a fairly wide range of behavioral features, ways of thinking, and the nature of statements (“why me?”, “I don’t deserve this,” “everyone is unfair to me,” “nobody appreciates me,” etc.). At the same time, the first signs (usually barely noticeable to outsiders) can appear in childhood and adolescence.

Obvious manifestations of this condition in modern psychology include:

• blaming others for one's own mistakes and failures;
• fixation on the negative and attributing non-existent negative intentions to other people (similar to paranoia);
• egocentrism (a person is unable or unwilling to consider a situation from the point of view of other people);
• pathological belief that other people are more fortunate and happy;
• recognition by others;
• frequent complaints (to anyone willing to listen) about everything, primarily about the lack of recognition;
• the desire to evoke pity for oneself and the enjoyment of self-pity or pity from others (as well as from stories about the shortcomings or failures of someone one knows);
• unwillingness to take responsibility for one’s own actions and take any measures to improve the situation (hence the fear of making any decisions, expressing one’s own opinions and feelings);
• exaggeration of the significance or likelihood of possible negative consequences;
• non-refusal (associated with the fear of facing disapproval of one's actions or words);
• stubbornness and categorical refusal of any help;
• self-abasement while simultaneously demanding love and respect.

In general, we can say to such people: for them, a glass that is half full will be considered half empty.

The negative consequences and complications of victim syndrome can be physical, psychological or behavioral. Psychological consequences include feelings of vulnerability, anxiety and helplessness, as well as changes in worldview, leading to the development of phobias, uncontrollable panic attacks, generalized anxiety disorder or chronic depression (including suicidal thoughts).

Depression affects many areas of a person's life, including interpersonal relationships and physical health. In addition to depressed mood, physical complications (psychosomatic symptoms) appear: changes in appetite and body weight, sleep problems, headaches, abdominal pain, more frequent colds (due to stressful changes in biochemical metabolism). Behavioral complications include unreasonable irritability, hysteria, lack of interest in most activities, and decreased concentration.

Victim of Violence Syndrome

The following main types of this syndrome are distinguished: sexual violence victim syndrome, domestic violence victim syndrome in women, and child victim syndrome.

Sexual assault victim syndrome – in terms of the degree of traumatic impact on the physical, behavioral and psychological levels – is compared by Western psychotherapists to post-traumatic stress disorder of combatants during war. It is very important to note that sexual assault victim syndrome is not a mental disorder, but a natural reaction of a psychologically healthy person. Although a tendency to self-blame and self-flagellation, helplessness and nervousness often develop, which leads to significant difficulties in establishing and maintaining intimate relationships (including fear of sex, sexual dysfunction, aggression towards the opposite sex, etc.), as well as to various forms of self-destructive behavior and suicide attempts.

Also, the syndrome of the victim of violence as a mentally altered state is observed in women who are subjected to domestic physical violence by their husbands. According to experts, this syndrome is a mental disorder that is dangerous, first of all, because it leads to psychological paralysis. Victims of domestic violence feel so helpless and so depressed that they do not see any way out of the abusive situation (experiencing irrational fear).

Many women with obvious victim syndrome continue to hope that the abuser will stop hurting them, and stay in the family. Especially if the abuser tries to make amends and apologizes. The apology (and other forms of "compensation") are accepted, and another cycle of violence begins. What does this lead to? To the fact that the victim of violence, in the end, begins to consider herself guilty.

Victim syndrome in a child includes victim syndrome of childhood bullying as a result of negative experiences of communication with peers, for example, at school (expressed in low academic performance, difficulty concentrating, depression, anxiety, isolation). And also the syndrome of physical abuse in childhood (physical punishment by parents), which leads to stuttering, hysteria and aggressive behavior, including in adulthood - towards one's own children.

Narcissist Victim Syndrome

When a person suffers from severe narcissistic personality disorder, it can create real problems for their loved ones and lead to what is known as narcissist victim syndrome.

According to statistics, up to 75% of people with narcissistic deviations are men. Therefore, most often, the narcissist victim syndrome is experienced by codependent women who are trying to build a personal relationship with a person who inflates their sense of self-importance and demands not just attention, but admiration and worship. Although the victims can be employees, children or friends of narcissists.

Most victims have no idea how they got into this situation, as in the early stages of a relationship, a narcissistic man can be the epitome of virtue. But in order to maintain his illusions and protect his supposed superiority, narcissistic personalities emotionally wear down their unsuspecting victims. And what complicates matters is that hypertrophied narcissism is rarely diagnosed as a medical condition and often goes unnoticed at home and at work. However, in the family, such personalities behave tyrannically, bullying their family members and forcing them to live by the rules they set.

Narcissist victim syndrome can manifest itself through a whole range of symptoms related to physical, mental, emotional or spiritual abuse. Thus, victims of individuals with narcissistic disorder are characterized by self-blame, shame and humiliation; they have learned to take responsibility for the behavior of the narcissistic partner, since they blame only themselves for everything.

They stay with the person, thinking that they can change his behavior. Moreover, the narcissist's victim syndrome manifests itself in the fact that - even when there is a choice - a false idea of the nobility of suffering develops. And many can develop Stockholm syndrome, when there is a desire to support and protect the offender, despite all the negative experiences.

Symptoms of narcissistic victim syndrome may include feelings of depression and confusion, shame and humiliation, extreme anxiety, panic attacks and phobias, low self-esteem, insomnia, eating disorders, and the feeling that they are going crazy. At the same time, such people may seem “detached” from their emotions, body, or immediate environment (in psychology, this condition is called derealization).

The obvious consequences and complications of the narcissist victim syndrome: victims do not realize their potential in their personal or professional lives because they must always stand in the shadow of the narcissist without realizing why. And the narcissist will use any form of violence - without guilt, compassion or remorse - to have his needs "served."

Treatment victim syndrome

Considering the causes of the victim syndrome, you need to contact a psychotherapist. After a thorough confidential conversation with a specialist, the main psycho-emotional cause is identified (this is the form of the diagnosis of the victim syndrome). By telling your story, a person helps himself to begin internal healing.

So the very first step to getting rid of victim syndrome is to admit that the problem exists. And since the syndrome is not congenital, experts say that getting rid of it is possible (although there is no cure for this syndrome).

Psychologists recommend starting with changing your attitude towards yourself and others, as well as developing the habit of not deceiving yourself. You need to have the courage to live differently: learn to be responsible for your own decisions, actions and emotions; not look for the guilty; be guided by logic in assessing the behavior of others, not by momentary emotions.

It is very important to learn not only to respect but also to love yourself, and every person deserves it. Then you will have the strength to say "no" to everything that does not suit you, and to do what gives you positivity, spiritual comfort and joy.