Do I need to punish children and how to do it right?

, medical expert
Last reviewed: 19.10.2021

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The pain to the child, especially small, to cause it is impossible! Applying physical penalties, adults inflict direct damage on the personality of the child who is still being formed. Of course, even the most mild and calm parents can sometimes get angry in earnest and even slap a child. There is nothing good in this, but if this is an exception to the rules, then it will not bring harm to it either. It is very important that you, having calmed down, explain to him that you have done something in your hearts that you yourself do not approve of. For example, you need to say: "Sorry, I could not resist." I should not have spanked you. " Such words will be understood even by a small child. And most importantly, they are important for strengthening the truly friendly relations between parents and the child.

When you punish a child, you only react strongly to his bad behavior. Punishment says that you will not tolerate such behavior today and now, but the child does not know at all how he should behave tomorrow, the day after tomorrow and in a month.

About physical punishments one can not say a single kind word (although some false teachers, paraphrasing the classics of Marxism, say: "Bityo determines consciousness"). To begin with, you can cripple a child. Even an "easy" (from your point of view) slap can be strong enough for a child to lose his balance, fall and hit his head or back. A blow to the head can cause a concussion, and on the ear - a hearing disorder. And it's not at all a fact that the child understood why he was punished. Most childhood offenses are due to impulsiveness and forgetfulness. For example, you spanked him for climbing up the sill and overturning the flower pot. Tomorrow he again climbed there, and you spanked him harder. But such an intensification of punishment in the end can turn into the most real beatings. Research scientists say that the children who spanked, do not remember what they were punished for. They are hurt, they are humiliated and try to escape from the adult, boiling with anger, but they do not repent at all. Physical punishment does not manage to appeal to the feeling of repentance in the deed of the baby. In this case, it would be more accurate to find out what the child wanted to see from this window (maybe there is a "roars" unprecedented hitherto machine), and try to satisfy his curiosity. And after that show him the fallen flowerpot and explain that "the flower is painful, he fell and hit, because even when you fall, you hit hard." It is necessary, in the future, if you want to look out of the window, ask someone to move the flower or do it neatly yourself. " Then the arisen pity for the flower, which became painful, can cause remorse and be remembered by the child.

Closing a child in a room or forbidding him to leave it is also a stupid punishment. If he experiences such punishment, then he may have an unwillingness to visit this room. It's even more stupid to combine this with turning off the light in it. This is sadism! (So it's not far from psychiatric disorders!)

If you force a baby to wear a bib constantly because he has spilled his soup several times, you are only asserting it at his expense, because you are stronger than him and the power in the family belongs to you. Punishing him in this way, you only let him feel worthless and helpless.

If you are really trying to show the child how to behave, it is not necessary to offend or humiliate him. For example, playing, the child began to throw toys in all directions (for example, he depicts an explosion). At the same time, one of them broke down. Of course, the child is upset. And you, instead of swearing, try to fix it - that is, show that you are distressed not by his behavior, but by the fact that the toy is spoiled and now it will not be possible to play it. This lesson will be more effective for the child: he will understand that this is not necessary, otherwise unpleasant events may occur. In this case, the punishment will be what he did himself, and not what you can do with him.

The task of parents raising a child is not easy: we must let the child know what the results of his own rash actions about which he has to regret. Any other punishment is perceived by the child as revenge, as a desire to establish itself at his expense. Because of this, he does not want to obey you, act in your way. You should try to teach the baby to manage their emotions and actions, to take full responsibility for their actions.

trusted-source[1], [2], [3]

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